Discouraging the “dis” of disablement
“You can’t do that properly!” “Why can’t you learn from your mistakes!?” “You’ll never be able to do that!” “You’re not good enough” “I’m starting to get angry now – you’re doing that on purpose.” “How many times do I have to repeat myself??”
Ever had someone who discouraged you or was impatient with you? This might mean it made things more difficult to work through. A physical, mental or emotional challenge?
A little about me.
Other than a few physical ailments. Oh yes, I have flat feet! Yes, I have my two smaller toes that fit in a bit too close for comfort from once wearing narrow shoes. BUT I have had a brain processing issue that has dogged my footsteps for years. All unknown to me what the issue actually was. Until finally, three professionals isolated the name for me. It was Auditory Processing Difficulty. No issue with intelligence. No issue with auditory or hearing.
The penny dropped. It is how my brain hears. My struggles in High School and particularly when I became an adult were high pressure in many instances. Not that I didn’t get good marks in core subjects – just I had to try nearly 10 x times harder to learn with some areas of education. I am glad to say there were high points. Where I had people who were either patient, understanding (or both) and who would do perception checks. This was part of all that I needed. It helped me relax and realize this was a problem that could be dealt with.
For many of us, the biggest hurdle is accepting who we are. This includes our problems or labels. We carry with us stigma that has come through our society. Society carries with it a certain “realm” of what is acceptable or the “norm”. Anything outside of that and bias raises its ugly head in many ways.
[bctt tweet="For many of us the biggest hurdle is accepting who we are. This includes our problems or labels. We carry with us stigma that has come through our society."]
Seeing other’s Disablements and “our” attitude.
I don’t want to see other’s disabilities – in a depreciating way. I recall years ago my 10-year-old daughter making the following comment. She saw some bullies picking on some other children. She rushed to the children in crisis’ defense. Her comment was that some people (the bullies) “have disabilities you cannot see” Those words can be quite profound.
Mostly what discourages us and brings us down are our thought processes. It doesn’t lessen that some of us have physical problems that cause issues mentally and emotionally. Each works against or with the other. If we look at other’s disabilities, issues, attitude – it can bring us down if we look at things negatively. My mind is bound to looking at my God for an example. From this, I know that looking at someone’s negative attitude will help neither of us if I don’t have a healthy attitude. For me, it would not be an example to follow or think I am better than them. Neither would it be good having a negative or unhealthy response back to that attitude.
[bctt tweet=”Mostly what discourages us and brings us down are our thought processes.”]
Solutions that can help
Many and varied are the solutions people use to handle the problems in life that dog their footsteps. Whether right or wrong is not the point. Rather it is whether it is “wise” or “unwise”. Sometimes our circumstances are “different” from someone else’s. These are some of my solutions – I believe you will find something profitable to use here. Think about how you think about a problem and learn about being “solution-oriented” rather than “problem-oriented”.[bctt tweet=”Many and varied are the solutions people use to handle the problems in life that dog their footsteps. Whether right or wrong is not the point. Rather it is whether it is wise or unwise.”]
- Get yourself educated in what is involved in what you consider your disability
- Look at and take note of your strengths – we all have them!
- Look at a disability as an “ablement” – (new word!) a pro-ablement (new word!). Something you can learn and grow from.
- Become pro-active – wherever and however you can.
- Do 3 things per day. No matter how small.
- Find ways that make you feel good about yourself.
- Make up a list of your resources – ones that will help you along in your life.
- Have aims – it doesn’t always have to be goals – and do those things that “matter”- don’t worry about letting go of those things “that don’t”.
- Remember “achieving little things” counts!
- Learn new ways to handle your problem – think outside the square and brainstorm
- Read books of people who have similar issues and came out stronger.
- Read books and meet people who have had worse issues and have come out “stronger”.
- Be kind – first and foremost to yourself and to others.
- Never over-look that Professionals can have valuable input. Assess which ones work for you.
- Don’t beat yourself up if for a time if you can’t manage the normality of your “routines”.
- Consider that it is okay to get involved in the lightness of life through books or media
- Grab each moment and “make it count”.
- Consider increasing your Nutrition, Exercise, Water, Outside activities in Nature, Adequate Sleep. (Remember Point 14 & 15)
- Have someone who can “listen” and I mean “really listen” to what you are saying.
- Have Faith and be encouraged.
- Do not give up Hope
Update: It was nicely pointed out to me that it is not – with some – their thought processes that are discouraging. This I believe I covered when I said “mostly”. There are those who adjust and are a great influence on those who don’t have such a hard situation. I myself am encouraged by that.
Also, there are many issues where those who are areas of influence should take note of. That is seeing those who aren’t the same as us whether class, racial, physical, educational, age, etc as ones we may be of benefit of in whatever area that may be. There are many.
Deborah Hunter Kells
I have a wide range of interests and the top of my list is people and relationships. I appreciate our big wide world and nature which tries so hard to deal with what we do to it. I enjoy learning and am a “forever student”. I would love to hear about you and what you have experienced – that one or both of us may learn.